You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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