in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
