just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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