u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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