it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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