We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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