Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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