i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
