the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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