Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
