is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
