i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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