Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
