I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
