What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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