How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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