we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
