Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
