Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
