dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
love makes seman taste better
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
