People with herpes should wear stickers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
