i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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