ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
