Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
