i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
