He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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