how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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