drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
