3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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