My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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