I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
