is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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