This girl is more easily done than said...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
