It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
