Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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