im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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