you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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