All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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