you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
