A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
