i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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