i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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