if i died would you start the facebook group?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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