I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
