Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
