i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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