Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
