OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this just has baby written all over it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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