we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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