You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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