Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
