It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
