he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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