last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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