just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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