I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
