Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i now understand why vodka
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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