when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
