He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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