Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
