I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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