I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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