I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
