Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
