I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
