Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
