he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
