I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize