Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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