He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
