drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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