she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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