girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
