The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
