i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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