he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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