Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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