I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
