this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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