Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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