It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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